Pee Before You Buy the Tree (Alternate Ending)

Hi guys. The beginning of this story is the same as the other one. The new stuff is after the *****. Feel free to read the whole thing again or just skip to the ****. It was the only way I could figure out how to make an alternate ending without having to edit the original post



Niall strummed his guitar and frowned. “Guys what rhymes with purple?”

Louis turned a glass, purple, Christmas ornament in his hand looking for cracks. “Purple? Are you writing a song or are you just writing about what I’m doing?”

Niall strummed a few more harmonious chords. “I’m writing a love song.”

Louis looked from the purple ornament to Niall. “About Barney?”

Zayn took the ornament from Louis’ hands and laughed. “Even purple dinosaurs need some love.”
Niall sighed. “Guys c’mon I need help with this.”

Louis sighed as he inspected another ornament from the box. “Nothing rhymes with purple. You have to use another world like plum or violet instead.”

Niall nodded. “Ok, what rhymes with violet?”

Liam untwisted a string of lights. “Try yet.”

Louis laughed. “See, that’s why they pay Liam and I the big bucks for songwriting.”

Harry entered the room with a box of garland. “Is that right? They pay me the big bucks to just stand and look pretty.”

Zayn laughed. “Am I the only one in the group that gets paid for singing?”

Niall put his guitar pick in his mouth. “They don’t even pay me. I’m just here for the free stuff.”

Louis looked at his phone. “Speaking of getting stuff, if we don’t head over to Santa’s Christmas Tree Emporium, we’re going to miss out on all the good trees. It’s gonna be pretty sad if all the good trees are sold out and we have to decorate an ugly weed.”

Liam smiled. “Trees are like babies; there is no such thing as an ugly one.”

Louis raised an eyebrow. “Ok on that note, you have lost the privilege to come with me and pick out a tree.”

Zayn smiled. “We should get a fake tree. I could spray paint it a cool color like silver or gold. I have all of my paints upstairs.”

Louis sighed. “Ok, so Zayn has also lost the privilege to come with me. Niall and Harry, it’s down to you two.”

Niall unstrapped his guitar and put it down next to him. “I’ll go with you. You’re gonna need someone big and strong to lift the tree onto the roof. Check out these babies.” Niall flexed his arms and Louis looked away fumbling for his keys, trying not to look at the guy that he kind of, maybe, possibly had a little bit of a crush on.

Niall’s eyes sparkled. “And besides, Louis, you’re my girlfriend so I think picking out a tree would be romantic.”

Louis looked up and smirked. “First of all, I only agreed to be your fake boyfriend until Christmas because you were whining about being single for the holidays. And second of all, I’m a guy, so I’m not your girlfriend I’m your boyfriend.”

Niall wiggled his eyebrows. “I love it when you get all sassy like that. Come here beautiful. Sit on Santa’s lap and give me some lovin.”

Louis rolled his eyes. “This is the reason that you don’t have a real girlfriend.”

Niall grinned. “Whatever you say sexy.”

The two put on their coats and headed to the car. When the cold air hit Louis, he felt the need to use the toilet, but he knew the store would be closing soon, so he figured he’d wait till they got to the Christmas tree store.

That seemed like a good idea until they were sitting in a typical holiday traffic jam. Louis squeezed his thighs together as much as he could while keeping a foot on the brake.

Niall scrolled through his phone, completely oblivious to Louis’ growing desperation. “Ok, it says here that you have to follow a few rules if you want to pick out the perfect tree. Rule number one is to make sure that the tree is green.”

Louis smirked. “You don’t say.”

Niall frowned. “You didn’t let me finish. There’s an app that when you take a picture of the tree it gives you a 1-100% rating of it’s hue quality.”

Louis felt his legs shaking from having his legs pressed together too tightly. He eased up on the squeezing and bounced a little in his seat instead.

Niall continued reciting the Christmas tree rules. “Rule number two: Make sure the tree has a strong core. If the trunk is soft then the whole thing might collapse.”

Louis winced as his bladder started to throb. “Strong trunk. Got it.”

Niall scrolled down. “Um, it also says that the tree must pass the smell test. A strong woodsy pine smell is key.”

Louis squeezed the steering wheel and leaned his head against the headrest. “Mm hmm.”

Niall looked over to his distracted driver and noticed that one of Louis’ hands had drifted between his legs. Louis was also fidgeting a lot.

Niall felt his face heating up as he caught himself looking at Louis’ hand over his crotch for longer than a casual friend should. He didn’t want to embarrass his friend, but he also couldn’t understand why Louis didn’t just tell him he had to wee.

Niall was so comfortable talking about peeing that he tweeted about being desperate to go during a car ride, multiple times. Niall sighed to himself. If I can admit that I have to go to millions of twitter followers, why can’t Louis admit it to just me?

Niall tried to sound casual so he wouldn’t embarrass his friend. “Do you have to pee?”

Louis’ eyes darted over to Niall. “What?”

Niall smirked. “You. Pee. Do you have to?"

Louis blushed. “No. I’m just really cold.” Louis turned up the heat, but the blast of warm air caused his bladder to twitch a little. He resisted the urge to do anything incriminating and just gripped the steering wheel tighter.

Niall shrugged and went ahead listing more desirable tree qualities.

Louis breathed a silent sigh of relief when he saw the giant sign that said Santa’s Christmas Tree Emporium. He couldn’t believe he made it to the store without letting Niall know how desperate he was. He celebrated the early Christmas present and gingerly stepped out of the car.

It was a lot colder outside so Louis put his hands in his coat pockets and bounced on his toes, pretending that it was the cold that was making him stand that way. He waited as Niall took his sweet time getting out of the car.

Louis was about to shout out a hurry up, but thankfully, he didn’t need to. Niall shut the car door behind him and smiled at Louis. “Is the guy that owns this place really named Santa?”

Louis nodded as he walked a little ahead, searching for a bathroom.

The two reached the door and if the darkness inside wasn’t a clue, the closed sign hanging from the door was the obvious indication that the store was closed.

Louis whined as his legs started to tremble in disappoint and urgency. He crossed one leg over the other hoping he looked more impatient than dying for a wee.

Niall squinted at the door and read the note hanging from it out loud. “Ho ho ho customers. Sorry, I must have missed you, but I had to get back to feed the reindeer. I have to get ready for my big day so Santa’s Emporium will be closed until after the holidays. In the spirit of the holidays there are a few trees around the back that still need homes. Please feel free to adopt one and leave a donation of your choice in the donation box. Merry Christmas everyone!”

Louis did not feel merry after hearing that. His full bladder wasn’t any closer to getting empty now that the bathroom was further out of reach. He cupped his hands around his eyes and looked through the glass door. A men’s room door was actually visible making him whine a little louder.

Niall took Louis’ hand, pulling him away from the locked door and toward the pile of trees in the back.

Louis’ eyes lit up when he saw a sign that said additional restrooms and had an arrow pointing. He bit his lip, not wanting to admit to Niall that he had to go, but he talked quickly. “Um, you go pick out a tree. It’s really cold out here and now I kind of have to use the toilet.”

Louis felt better blaming his need for a toilet on the weather instead of his laziness not to use one earlier. He didn’t wait for Niall’s reply and shuffled off to the restrooms.

When he was out of Niall’s range of vision he crossed his legs tightly and bent over. He had wanted to do that so badly, and now that he could go unnoticed he continued his awkward potty dance all the way to the men’s room door.

He took his hands out of his pockets just longer enough to push the door, but it didn’t budge. He pushed again and got the same result. He sucked in a sharp breath of cold air as he hopped from foot to foot debating what he should do.

It was really cold to just pee outside, but Louis didn’t have any other options. He was just about to unzip his jeans when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

He punched in his password and a message from Harry appeared on the screen.

Hey Lou. Did you get the tree?

Louis typed quickly.

No tree and I really need to wee.

Harry’s response was almost instant.

So go.

Louis jiggled his legs as he texted back.

Store’s closed and all restrooms are locked up. I need to stop texting so that I can go before Niall comes back.

Harry’s answer was quicker than the last one.

Niall might dump you when he finds out you had to take a wee. I mean seriously, who pees except for every person on the planet

Louis twisted his legs tighter as he rocked from side to side. He didn’t appreciate Harry’s sarcasm as he as he typed back.

How many people wait until they have to go so badly that they have to pee outside of the bathroom door of Santa’s Christmas Emporium?

I don’t know Lou. That’s extremely specific to give you accurate numbers, but you’re probably not the first.

Harry stop texting me and let me pee!!!

Wait, did you kiss Niall yet?

That was enough to get Louis’ mind off of his bladder for the first time in an hour.

Did I what?

Did you kiss Niall? I saw him take the mistletoe from the front door, so I’m guessing he wants to do this kiss sneak attack style

Niall is my fake boyfriend. Fake boyfriends don’t kiss

Harry’s response took longer to appear. As Louis waited his bladder reminded him that it wasn’t happy waiting. Louis put one of his hands in his pocket and squeezed himself through the fabric as he leaned forward. He was as anxious to see Harry’s response as he was to just pee already.
Finally the long text came through.

Look, I’m your best friend and I know you better than anyone else. You are crushing on Niall like crazy and him being your fake boyfriend is like Christmas on a cracker. You should just tell him how you feel. I’m not saying that he talked to me yesterday and told me that he wished that you two were dating for real, but yeah that’s kind of what he told me. Don’t tell him I told you. If you don’t erase this text after you get it, I’ll do horrible things to you.

Louis couldn’t help smiling as he sent a text back.

You can’t do anything worse to me than sending me hundreds of text messages when I have to wee so bad that I’m seconds away from exploding. Don’t text me back. Right now all I need is a toilet.

Harry sent the picture emoji of the toilet bowl.

Louis put the phone back in his pocket and straightened his posture so he could unzip his jeans. Unfortunately Harry wasn’t the only one determined to delay Louis from his urgent business.

Niall ran up to Louis and yelled. “Louis they have a candy cane maze. It’s like a giant maze with red and white lights all over and it says that at the end of the maze is a huge surprise. Can we do it? Pleeease?”

The last thing Louis wanted was to get lost in a maze. He was pretty sure he would be able to hold in his pee until they got home, but not if they stalled too much longer.

Louis crossed his legs, hoping he didn’t look like he was dying to pee. “Your mission was to get the perfect tree. You were supposed to look at them and smell them and do whatever else you had to do with them.”

Niall whined. “I already tied the tree to the roof. The app said that it was 95% green so I thought you would approve. I think I should get to go through the maze as a reward. I promise it’ll be fun.”

Louis sighed. “No it won’t. Besides the toilet was locked and I have to pee kind of badly.”

Niall pouted. “You’re lying. You said you didn’t have to go that bad before.”

Louis winced as his shyness to admit how badly he had to go was backfiring on him.

Louis put his hands between his legs and tried to convince Niall. “No, I really have to go. Let’s get the tree, go home, and come back tomor-.”

Louis couldn’t finish his sentence before Niall hoisted him over his shoulders and started to sprint toward the maze. Louis tried to protest, but Niall’s quick pace was causing his bladder to bounce against Niall’s shoulders in a torturous way.

Louis moaned as his bladder pounded against Niall’s shoulder for what felt like forever. Thankfully forever ended soon and Niall placed Louis back on his own two feet.

Louis put his hands in his pockets and crossed his legs. “You’re the worst boyfriend in the world.”

Niall smiled. “I am not. This is a really romantic place for our first date.”

Louis bounced in place. “It’s not romantic, it’s freezing.”

Niall wrapped his arms around Louis. “I’ll keep you warm.”

Louis pushed him away. “Let’s just get out of here. When we get home I’ll show you a real romantic date.”

Niall didn’t answer, but Louis didn’t miss the blush that spread on his fake boyfriend’s face. “Niall, are you blushing?”

Niall turned a shade darker. “It’s cold.”

The two continued the walk through the maze, but after ten minutes of hitting dead ends Niall stopped walking. “They said this maze was easy enough for kids, but I think we’ve passed that candy cane before.”

Louis looked at the candy cane shaped lights on the grass wall next to him and sighed. “All the candy canes look the same.”

Niall frowned at his phone. “There’s no GPS for this maze, we have to figure our way out ourselves.”

Louis leaned forward and moaned. “I can’t believe you got me into this mess.”

Niall looked a little guilty. “Are you mad?”

Louis sighed. He had to pee worse than he ever had to in his life and there was no way out of the maze in sight, so he had no choice, but to tell Niall the truth.

Louis looked away from Niall as he mumbled his confession. “I have to pee. It’s really, really bad. I’ve been holding it in for a long time and now I don’t know how much longer I can wait.”

Niall’s silence forced Louis to look at him. Niall just continued looking at him silently.

Louis rolled his eyes as the liquid rolled inside of his bladder. “Please say something.”

Niall smirked. “You’re unbelievably hot.”

Louis wiggled from side to side. “Turn around. I’m going just go against the wall.”

Niall frowned. “It’s too cold to do that. What if it freezes off?”

Louis marched in place. “I don’t think that happens. Besides, I don’t have a choice. It’s either this or go in my pants and it’s too cold to walk around in wet pants.”

Niall took Louis’ hand. “We have to get back to the car. It’s the only place that’s warm enough so you won’t get frostbite on your little Louis.”

Louis held himself as tightly as he could with the other hand as Niall tried to lead them out of the maze.

**********

Louis limped back to the car. Niall helped him into the passenger seat and he took the driver’s seat.

Niall turned the car on and cranked up the heat. “How ya doin' Lou? Pants still dry?”

Louis moaned. “Just kill me right now.”

Niall laughed as he sped down the highway. “No worries Babe, I’ll get you to the nearest toilet as soon as I can.”

Louis sighed. “Everything is probably closed at this hour. Besides, sitting down really helps. I think I can hold it till we get back home.”

Louis wasn’t entirely sure if he could make it the whole way back, but if any restaurants were open they’d be really crowded. The last thing Louis wanted to do was a pee dance in a crowded restaurant, racing for the toilet.

Niall put his foot on the gas pedal a little harder. Louis was a bit worried that the speed might not be a good idea since they had a tree tied to the roof, but he figured it would be better to lose the tree than to lose his pee.

Louis tried not to squirm too much since Niall knew he was practically bursting to use the toilet, so he just put a hand between his legs and rocked back and forth.

Niall and Louis rode in silence for most of the ride, but after a while Niall looked at his squirming passenger. “Are you still ok?”

Louis nodded and squeezed himself a little harder. It had gotten to the point that even talking made him have to go more.

Niall tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. “You know what’s funny?”

Louis winced. At this point nothing could possibly be funny, but he had a feeling Niall was going to tell him anyway.

Niall continued. “You know when someone yawns and then you have to yawn, right? Well, I didn’t have to pee before, but now I kind of do. It's like you’re contagious, Lou.”

Louis bit his lip and tried not to laugh. “I don’t think that’s how this works, Ni.”

Niall got the car back to the house in record time and Louis quickly unbuckled his seat belt. As he was hobbling out of the car door, he heard Zayn’s voice. “That tree looks lame.”

Niall shouted back. “It’s fluffier when it’s not all tied down. Help me get it off the roof.”

Zayn nodded. “Sure. You hold onto it so it doesn’t fall off and Lou and I can untie the rope.”

Louis shook his head at Zayn and marched in place. “You guys take care of this. I have something a lot more important to take care of.”

Louis left the two of them to do the heavy lifting and raced into the house. He stumbled into the living room and almost ran straight into Harry.

Harry stepped out of the way just in time and laughed. “Where’s the fire Lou?”

Lou winced as the urine felt hot in his bladder. “It’s about to be in my pants Haz.”

He heard Harry whistle, but ran into the bathroom and closed the door before he could hear the rest.

Louis leaned against the closed door and grabbed himself as tightly as he could to gain control of the situation that was bordering on out of control.

Louis’ full bladder had introduced itself to him hours ago, but for some reason the words “Hi Lou” floated to Louis’ ears. If that wasn’t strange enough, his bladder sounded an awful lot like…

He opened his eyes and saw Liam standing on the sink hanging a string of multicolored Christmas lights around the bathroom mirror.

Liam looked from Louis back to the string of lights. “Harry and I thought it would be festive to decorate the rooms with a little Christmas cheer. He took care of the bedrooms and I’m doing the bathroom. I don’t think hanging lights this close to the sink is an electrocution risk, do you?”

Louis’ legs were shaking so hard against the door that it almost sounding like someone was knocking. “Um Li-Liam… I n-need… the t-toilet.”

Liam smiled. “Sure thing mate, just let hang these last - .”

Louis groaned. “Ugh… nooo –  can’t wait.”

Louis dashed over to the toilet and unzipped his zipper at record-speed. Louis positioned himself in front of the toilet and let out a loud sigh before letting out a deafening initial blast of urine into the toilet.

Liam laughed. “Whoa Louis.”

Even though ‘whoa’ is a term that’s used to stop horses, right now it seemed to be the term to encourage Louis to pee with even more force than before. Louis might not have been affected by the word whoa, but he was certainly pissing like a racehorse.
   
Louis shifted his eyes away from his cascading fountain of relief and met the eyes of his peeping Payne. His body tensed at the fact that Liam was looking straight at him, but his stream didn’t waver.

Louis blushed. “I really had to go.”

Liam laughed and went back to hanging the lights.

Louis tried to keep his sighs of relief to a minimum because he was relieving himself in front of an audience.

After having the longest pee that he could remember, he washed his hands as casually as he could and left Liam to finish hanging the lights. Louis glanced at the decorated mirror before he left and noticed that Liam hadn’t made any progress, even though he had to have been peeing for over two minutes.

Louis wanted to tease Liam for looking at him, but didn’t have the heart to do it. Louis had snuck a peek at Liam peeing many times in the past. Now they were even.

Louis dragged his feet as he staggered into his room. He flopped down on his bed, closed his eyes, and sighed. “All that drama with almost peeing my pants was exhausting. No wonder Harry’s in such good shape. He does the pee-workout at least twice a week.”
   
Louis felt someone leaning over him. When he opened his eyes he saw Niall’s beautiful blue eyes staring back at him. “I should be jealous that you’re saying another man’s name in bed.”

Louis smirked. “Fake boyfriends don’t get jealous.”

Niall flashed his legendary smile. “I brought you a present.”
Louis couldn’t help but blush since Niall was so close to his face. “Birthday or Christmas?”

Niall’s eyes sparkled. Literally sparkled. He pulled a piece of mistletoe from his pocket. “Neither.”

He held the piece of mistletoe over Louis’ head and kissed him gently on the lips.

Louis raised an eyebrow. “If that wasn’t a birthday present or a Christmas present…”

Niall smiled. “It’s an anniversary present. I think a kiss is the perfect present to give to my fake boyfriend right before I ask him to be my real one.”